Life can feel like a game of competing schedules. Family, work, and social obligations leave intimacy at the wayside— especially during the holiday season. Feeling a bit of distance after busy weeks or  months is natural, but the solution’s easier than it seems.

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1. Bits of Affection

Grand gestures are romantic, but lasting love is built on small acts of intimacy. Being corny works, people. Let your wall down and hold hands while walking, leave a sweet  note on the table before you leave for work, hug them for no reason.  Think about getting a random compliment on your outfit in public; it’s a small, simple joy, but an important one never-the-less. A healthy relationship should have many, many moments just like that.

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2. Here’s to Hobbies

Every relationship is a Venn diagram of hobbies, interests and  connections; your partner won’t love every hobby you have, and you won’t love every hobby they have. Not only is that natural, it’s ideal. Reintroducing your shared hobbies is a great way to strengthen your bond, and  participating in your partner’s hobbies that may not be your favorite is an excellent way of expressing care; they know you’re doing it for  them. That’s not even mentioning the joy of new hobbies— learn to  dance! Play tennis! Take a cooking class together! Even if the hobby  doesn’t stick, a new experience is always exciting. Best case scenario  you have a new activity in your relationship, worst case scenario you  have a funny story about a failed hobby to share.

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3. Your Partner’s the Priority

You’ll always be busier than you expect, and there’s no denying how hard it is to maintain quality time with your partner when you feel the weight of responsibility bearing down on you. That challenge is  part of maintaining a healthy relationship— if it were easy we’d all be  experts. You need to be proactive to succeed; find the overlap in your  schedules, take up those moments of unexpected free time with a burst of spontaneity.

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4. Say “Thanks!”

It’s easy for us to feel like our efforts in life go unnoticed. Whether that’s at work or in a relationship, “thank you” goes a long  way for everyone, but especially for those close to you. Take a moment each day to acknowledge something you love about your partner. Don’t worry about it feeling forced or artificial— trust in your capacity for appreciation and care.

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5. Talking is Where it Starts

It’s common for couples to avoid serious, emotional and  retrospective conversations out of fear of discussing their concerns  “becoming a thing.” That’s a natural pressure to expect,  one that comes with being vulnerable. Trust is key here, but so is  proper communication. Avoid placing blame; rather than saying “I feel  like you’ve been distant,” express an interest in spending more time  together. With that being said, your relationship is as much an “I” as  it is a “we,” and it’s important to consider both. Too many  “I” statements can shift blame onto your partner, while too many  “we” can invalidate their individual perspective. Language is inherently imperfect, it’s important to not agonize about the wrong phrasing and  trust your partner will have the grace to let you express yourself to the best of your ability. Like any fire, rekindling your relationship is never  impossible. All it takes is consistent effort, intention, and a spark. Warmth is waiting for you.

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